Hindered by Trust
There is no doubt about it, trusting others can be difficult. I read a powerful statement a few years back - that said something along the lines of “trusting someone is like handing them a grenade full of all the different ways they could hurt you and hoping that they will never ever use it.” I looked at that statement and just said wow. It can often feel like that though right? It can often feel as though, you are about to expose areas of yourself to an individual, you are about to be vulnerable and all we can do is pray that this person will never use it against us. Or maybe, someone has used it against you - I’ve definitely been there. Where you actually see the grenade go off and maybe you’ve decided you’re not going back there.
I hear you.
But let me ask a few questions, are your trust issues hindering you? Are you unable to grow authentic friendships and relationships because you are choosing not to show up? Are you hiding behind your truth to hand out a false version to others? Are you simply afraid of being hurt again, so you’ve chosen isolation? Does it scare you to walk the road of vulnerability?
If you’ve answered yes to any of those questions. I want you to know that you are not alone.
When building a friendship you have to intentionally trust and the other person or persons need to intentionally hold what you say. We all want to be heard and understood. When Linu and I decided to become accountability partners, it started off realllllly slowly. I can confess that we both walked the line of being honest rather than transparent. The difference being I am answering the question honestly, rather than allowing Linu to see the parts of me that would add to the explosives for my grenade. We then decided we needed to change the questions we were asking each other, it changed the entire way we began to share and trust one another in a much more profound way, which gave way to our friendship.
I will say this, I am not telling you to trust everyone. I am saying we should begin to explore what it looks like to trust the right people. Don’t just pick them because they are willing to listen. It doesn’t mean that they are for you. It doesn’t mean that they care. Some people aren’t meant to be in our inner circle, they aren’t meant to have access to our life and we know so little about theirs. That’s not intentional friendships.
In intentional friendships, we are both admitting to being broken, to being unfinished works of art and then we are sharing those pains, our truths, our struggles with people who are intentionally listening and holding what we say, rather than taking notes and figuring out how to fire the grenade. Choose your people wisely. It is a lesson God has taught me recently and I am so glad to finally be aware.
Intentional trust, starts by making sure you have intentional friends. Often our trust issues are a result of us being hurt, by people who God never intended to be our friends. We offloaded on the wrong person or wrong people. But there is joy. Want to know why?
When you share with the right person, this sister friend, is where the next season of trust begins to develop. You will realise your transparency will guide the way for many; your friends will be encouraged by your courage. You will show up in your friendships and be your authentic self.
Heavenly Father, I pray for our intentional friendships, the friendships that we are choosing to be vulnerable in, the friendships that encourage us to be our authentic self. Help us, Lord to choose the right people, those who will journey with us and never seek to do us harm. May the journey of healing from past pains Lord Jesus be one of full redemption. In Jesus’ name, amen.
PS, hey girlfriend! Did you know that we have a FREE Exhale sessions? It’s your chance to jump on video with us and we can come alongside you and journey with you in whatever season you are in. Click this link to book your free session now - wearechai.as.me/exhalesessions