Connected but Alone

The last couple of months have been really tough. In a short nutshell this is what’s happened: my dad went to hospital and waited for a heart surgery, my very pregnant sister gave birth to a very beautiful baby boy, my dad had had surgery, my dad got discharged from the hospital, my dad fell back to the hospital because he had post surgical complications, my grandad died, my mum was in India, and I felt like I was all alone.  

In reality, I have a very supportive sister and extended family, a church family who all checked in on me and made sure I was doing okay. But even though I was connected, I still felt alone. I felt like no matter how much I tried to explain, no words were enough.

I had been through seasons like this before to know the symptoms that I associate with feeling alone - I tend to set up concrete walls, I tune out the world and tune into Netflix, binge watch a tv show and cry at the sad parts. Sometimes, ice cream or Nutella maybe involved. I’m always tired, bored and drained. 

Have you ever felt like that before? You’ve had a season where you have so many people surrounding you but you have never felt so alone before. I have been there and there are many people in the Bible who have been there too.

I’ve always imagined David to probably feel lonely. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he had friends - the bible talks about his friendship with Jonathan #friendshipgoals and also his other friends like the Mighty Three. In the book of Samuel, the passage talks about his mighty warriors. It has always made me wonder if David felt lonely while being surrounded by people?  

Shortly after researching, I came upon this verse which gave me a little hope to knowing that even though David was surrounded by a small army, he still felt alone. Psalm 102:7 says: ‘I lie awake, I am like a lonely sparrow on the rooftop’. 

Girlfriend, if you are in a season where you feel lonely, the good news is, it’s natural to go through seasons where you are under a cloud of feeling alone. When I feel alone; regardless of the amazing Christian family who hold me in prayer, I need to stop and check myself before I spiral. Why do I feel alone even though I am connected to people? Am I connected to the right people and more importantly, am I connected to God?

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One thing I noticed David do was to tell God everything and I mean, everything. The book of Psalms is you and I flipping through the pages of his journal and I love the rawness of the book. The verse where he feels like a lonely sparrow, reminds me of a time where I quit my university course and I told God that I feel like a red balloon flying aimlessly in the sky with no purpose. So friend, in these moments of feeling alone, can I encourage you to reflect and ask yourself: am I connecting with God on an intimate level? If you are and it still feels like something is off, I would recommend changing it up. We can all go through seasons where how we connect with each other can change. My friend and I used to talk to each other everyday through text and now our relationship has evolved where we can have a big chat once a month and then send each other memes when we aren’t having deep chats.

If you feel like yours and God’s relationship is on point and you are connected with God, I would recommend, connecting with the right community. Here at Chai, we are pretty big on community because when I needed someone tangible to speak God into my life, Nikkita was there for me. She has been through ugly crying phases, I-don’t-trust-God seasons and definitely in the God-is-SO-GOOD seasons. In every season, in every feeling, I have needed a Christian family surrounding me in prayer, keeping me accountable and showing God’s love to me through tough love or sweet hugs.

If you feel like you don’t have that community around you, then you’ve come to the right place. Nikkita, Viktoria and I would love to be the start of you having a group of Christian sisters around you cheering you on. We’d love for you to join so send us a message, comment or find us on social media.

It’s okay to feel lonely time to time but we’d love to sit with you and help you in any way we can while you work through this season with God.