Finding Security through Intentional Friendships
Intentional: done on purpose; deliberate.
Synonyms: calculated, conscious, intended, considered, willful
My way of looking at intentional friendships is this: be a safe home for someone. Be a place where they can unload and de-stress and share what’s on their heart. Where they can fully be themselves, freely. Be someone, with who they don’t need to hide the ugly parts of themselves.
Security in friendships is achieved though intentionality. In my head, intentionality is closely linked to reliability. Intentionality is established through patterns of reliability. Writing about intentional friendships is hard, because I have to be honest with myself and evaluate if I’m a reliable friend. I have to put myself in someone else’s shoes and ask: would I want Viktoria as a friend I could trust with my struggles and battles? Would Viktoria tell me, if I’m causing harm to myself and those around me through my words, actions/behaviour or would she just ignore the problems and pretend everything is fine?
We all long for security in relationships. Security is achieved through being intentional and that is achieved through showing reliability.
Reliability can be hard as it takes lots of effort and discipline, especially in the context of a friendship.
From my experience these are a few ways we can be intentional: Ask how they are doing (like how are you really doing?), we can encourage them regularly, be interested in their life and seek to invest in their life (how can I help you? how can I best support you in prayer today?) Ask then what is one thing you need to talk about today thats bothering you and then let go of? Remind them that God’s sees your friend as infinitely valuable and worthy!
Three years ago when I was in the middle of University, I met a girl I became friends with in a campus ministry group called Power to Change. She was intentional in being my friend and would meet up with me regularly, ask if she could pray for me and even sat with me as I had tears roll down my face and I told her the heavy things weighing down on my heart. The reason I was able to share deep burdens with her was that through the intentionality of her actions, I knew I could count on her and so I felt safe being my true self around her. She didn’t judge me or tell me to “get it together”. She didn’t say “oh it will get better”, she just said that life can have hard seasons but that I could count on her to be present. She said she will pray for me and pray with me if I that was something I wanted to do. We met up many times after that, and I could always tell that she genuinely cared for my wellbeing.
Friend, God genuinely cares for your well being too and wants to have a relationship with you! God is intentional in his faithfulness and love for us and you can see that all throughout the Bible, if you spend some time reading it!
“No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” - John 15:15 (ESV)
Jesus calls us friends, since He shared more of God with us and revealed more of God’s heart to us. Through this, He wants you to get to know him even better. This establishes a greater trust and a closer relationship, than before.
The first intentional friendship stems from God towards us and we can then pour into another sister’s life, if we see that an intentional friendship is the best way to go. You can’t be everyone’s intentional friend, but I’m praying that you will have at least one friend to regularly speak and share your heart with and accept wise counsel from.
Being vulnerable is a risk, but it can lead to wonderful growth in a friendship which leads to security, safety and true trust.
Lord, I am so thankful that you are not a God far away from us, looking down on us without making your will known. I am thankful for your intentional ways in which you show us you care. Today I pray that you would bless every one of us with an intentional friendship, where we can share our hearts freely and know we are heard but also be present as a listening ear or helping hand. We know an intentional friendship takes work and we ask that you help us be a reliable friend. Lord, thank you for calling us a daughter and a friend! Amen.
Please message us if you are praying for an intentional friendship, as we would love to pray for you too!
PS, hey girlfriend! Did you know that we have FREE Exhale sessions? It’s your chance to jump on video with us and we can come alongside you and journey with you in whatever season you are in. Click this link to book your free session now - wearechai.as.me/exhalesessions